from

The Annals of Improbable Research    

1994-01-04      Low Probability of Any Further Abductions by Aliens    

by Leonard X. Finegold
Physics Department, Drexel University, Philadelphia, PA    

You may well be worried about being Abducted by Aliens; Jacobs (in
"Secret Life- Firsthand Accounts of UFO Abductions"[1]) reports detailed
hypnotism-induced regression interviews (in which subjects recall their
past) by people who claim to have been abducted by Aliens[2] into UFO's
(Unidentified Flying Objects). You recall that D. Jacobs and his
colleage J. Mack received an Ig Nobel Prize for this work.  A numerical
analysis, of birthdates of people who have been Abducted by Aliens,
shows that people born after 1970 are not abducted. Hence one may safely
assume that the probability of further Alien Abductions is very low,
perhaps even zero.
[The complete paper, with full details of avoiding Abductions, will
appear in a print issue of The Annals of Improbable Research].
    

Number of Abductees
per half-decade    

13                           x
12                           x
11                           x
10                           x
 9                           x
 8                           x
 7                        x  x
 6                        x  x
 5                     x  x  x
 4                  x  x  x  x  x  x
 3                  x  x  x  x  x  x
 2            x     x  x  x  x  x  x
 1            x     x  x  x  x  x  x
-------------------------------------------------------------
     1920 25 30 35 40 45 50 55 60 65 70 75 80 85 90
                     Year of birth    

Notes
[1] Jacobs, D.M., "Secret Life - Firsthand Accounts of UFO Abductions,"
Simon & Schuster, New York, 1992.
The thesis of the book is that the Aliens temporarily abduct the
Abductees into UFO's to use them in sexual reproductive processes. The
book features an inroduction by John Mack.
[2] It should be stressed that "Aliens" means not simply "un-American",
but "un-Earthly." Well-documented abductions by aliens from other
countries are therefore excluded from this discussion.